Friendship doesn’t have to end just because you’ve chosen a sober lifestyle and your friend hasn’t. In fact, one of the most beautiful parts of sobriety is learning how to show up for the people you care about, even when your paths look different. But let’s be honest, navigating friendships when alcohol is still in the mix can feel tricky. That’s why it’s important to learn how to be a sober friend to someone who’s still drinking.
When you’re sober, it’s easy to feel like the odd one out in social situations, or even wonder if you’re still fun to be around. It can feel a little lonely at times, especially when your friends are still drinking and you’re working hard to stay true to your own path. You might wonder: Should I go to the party? What if they expect me to join in? Will I make them feel weird if I say no?
If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you’re not alone. Being a sober friend takes a little extra awareness, but it’s completely possible to maintain meaningful, authentic connections with friends who drink. The key is approaching those relationships with kindness, honesty, and healthy boundaries. Let’s dive into how you can do that while keeping your sobriety intact.
How to Be a Sober Friend to Someone Who’s Still Drinking
1. Lead With Empathy, Not Judgment
First things first, you don’t have to convince your friend to stop drinking just because you have. Your sobriety is your personal path, and it’s okay to let your friend walk theirs. Remember how it felt when people pushed sobriety on you? It likely didn’t help. What does help is being a safe, understanding friend. You can share your experience when they ask, but you’re not here to change them. You’re here to love them.
2. Be Clear About Your Boundaries
Boundaries are the best friend of a sober life. If certain situations like bar crawls or wine nights don’t feel good to you, it’s okay to say no. Your friend might not always understand, but they’ll learn to respect your choices. And when you communicate those boundaries clearly and kindly, you’re modeling what it looks like to take care of yourself.
Here’s something to remember: you don’t have to explain or justify your choices beyond a simple “I’m not drinking tonight.” That’s enough.
3. Suggest Alternatives
One of the best ways to stay connected with friends who drink is to suggest activities that don’t revolve around alcohol. Think coffee dates, walks in the park, movie nights, weekend hikes, or cooking a fun dinner together. When you gently shift the focus from drinking to doing, you’re helping both of you build a connection that’s not tied to booze.
4. Be Patient With the Awkward Moments
There might be times when your friend feels weird about drinking in front of you, or when you feel a little out of place. That’s normal. Let it be awkward. It won’t last forever. The more you show up and hold space for them and yourself, the more natural it becomes.
5. Remember: You Can’t Control Someone Else’s Choices
As much as you might wish your friend would make different choices, that’s not up to you. Your job is to stay grounded in your own sobriety, offer support when asked, and focus on the kind of friend you want to be. Sobriety is a gift that you get to share by example, not by force.
6. Find Your Own Sober Community
Lastly, remember that you’re not alone. If spending time with friends who still drink starts to feel isolating, it might be a sign to seek out more sober connections. It doesn’t mean you have to cut anyone off, but building a community of people who get it can be a game changer.
Here’s The Truth
You can be a sober friend and a friend to someone who still drinks. It takes grace, patience, and clear boundaries, but it’s absolutely possible. And if you’re feeling unsure about how to navigate it all, just remember that you’re doing an amazing job.
Keep showing up for yourself. That’s the most important part.
I created The Sober Mom Life Café so women could have a safe space to explore their relationship with alcohol and find freedom in sobriety. We have Zoom Peer Support meetings every single day, sometimes multiple meetings a day. You felt alone in your drinking. You don’t have to feel alone in sobriety.
Click below to try the Cafe FREE for one week.
